DEAR BODY
Dear body,
When did it all started? When did you became a stranger to me? Could it be when I started to compare myself to other girls. When I started to like boys and they liked the girl with blonder hair and bigger breast. When my hips started to form. Wide. I just wanted to stay flat. I wanted a skinny child-like model body. Why did everything about you had to stick out? Why did you look so different? I just wanted you to be what you weren’t. You were my enemy.
I’m sorry. For being so mean to you. For trying so hard to change you. For hiding you, judging you, blaming you. For starving you. For obsessing about those tiny details. The cellulite, the space between my thighs, the shape of my belly, the volume of my hair, the size of my eyes. I wasn’t happy and you weren’t either. You never moved. You never felt free.
But slowly it shifted. The healing process begun. We went on holidays, we fell in love, we slept in the woods, we biked around an island, we danced all night. We found a new way to eat. It took time, patience and compassion. It took lots of practise. It took sex abstinence and self-hate relapses. It took tears and black magic rituals. It took the help of those who loved me. Those who could see your beauty when I couldn’t. Slowly we became friends.
I started to accept you. To see you for what you are. The roundness of my hips, the texture of my skin, my thick curly hair, my soft belly, my thin waist, my big bouncy ass. I learned to name you. Curvy. Generous. Cosy. Feminine. I saw your strength, your beauty, your unique features. My legs to carry me every single day. My eyes to see. All my senses to navigate the world. My hands to make and touch. My skin to feel. Thousands of tiny pores and nerves to capture sensations. My mouth to kiss and taste.
Thanks to you I can exist in this human world. Express myself. Communicate. Move. I can give and receive love. Thanks to you I’m alive. I can dance, draw, laugh, cook, scream, have orgasms. All my organs, my muscles, this complex cell system. Blood flowing through. A beautiful machine. Breathing in. Breathing out.
I understand now. There is no perfect body. Because each human being is unique. Every body is different. The world is an infinite display of DNA and chromosomes combinations. Nobody has and has never had the same body that I have. How crazy is that. How beautiful. I understand now. You are my best friend, my life-long partner. You are my home. My vessel, You are my temple. If I don’t take care of you, where am I gonna live?
Dear body, thank you. I am so grateful to have you. I’m learning to understand your needs and your cycles. I’m listening. I’m here now. I’m sorry it took me so long. Thank you for waiting for me. Dear body, I truly love you. Every little part of you. Because you are all I have. All that nature gave me. Because there are so many things I can do with the time I used to spent working against you. And I’ve never felt so good. Together we are one. Whole. We communicate. We collaborate. Together we are strong. Bursting with energy. My curves and my curls. Alive and free.
With all my love,
Elise
